Friday, December 29, 2006

Army Fatigued

A few days ago, I called my friend Alex at his office. His secretary, Sarah, answered the phone and said, “Sorry, but Mr Alex is on reservist!”

I was astonished. “Again? But he just went!” I could almost feel Sarah shrug over the phone.

The call raised a question that had been bothering me for a long time now.

“What exactly is it that people do when they’re on reservist?” I asked my flatmate Amanda over lunch at Lau Pa Sat. “And, more importantly, why do they need to go so many times?”

Amanda sniffed and said that they probably did whatever a bunch of men would do whenever they get together. “Like not wash their underwear for days on end!” she clarified quickly when Barney Chen looked up from his laksa with interest.

For her part, Saffy thought reservist was just an excuse for getting out of work.

“I swear to God, but every time I need something done in the office, someone will always say, ‘Oh, cannot. I got reservist all of next week!’ I mean really!” Saffy complained. “How big is this island? How much defending do we need anyway? And it’s so unfair that girls don’t get to do reservist! I wouldn’t mind some quality me-time of my own away from the office!”

Barney said it was also very unfair that he held a British passport. “I have so much to contribute to the Singapore army!” he rumbled. “For starters, I’d completely redesign those uniforms! Jazz them up a little. And everyone would wear Prada boots! How chic would that be?”

Amanda muttered that letting Barney into the Singapore army would give new meaning to the phrase, army camp. Barney turned pink with pleasure and sipped harder on his sugar cane juice.

3 comments:

Jacklyn said...

Hi my friend recently bought me a copy of Table For Three as a Christmas gift. I thought it was quite amusing. I laughed out loud one or two times. Great to read while you're crapping in the toilet. And I don't believe anyone, let alone Saffy, can have such terrible constipation problmes. You're just exaggerating aren't you!

Jason Hahn said...

Jacks, It's all true. I have the mental scars to prove it.

rich4747 said...

Barney Chen in the army??!!!
God forbid!
He would probably turn every night in camp into a mass orgy with his wild themed parties!!
Well, people might think that would be a change, but with Barney on the warpath, you better watch your back... in more ways than one