My friend Annette sent me a YouTube clip the other day. “It’s about 45 minutes long, but it’s totally worth it,” she said.
Given that my attention span is normally the same period of time it takes for a dream to die, I told her I seriously doubted it.
“Just watch it, lah! Aiyoh!” she said. As I later said to Amanda, if Annette’s eyes had rolled any further back, she’d have been blind.
“So did you watch it?” Amanda asked. In response, I tapped my phone and forwarded Annette’s clip.
When Saffy came back from her pedicure humming a mangled version of ‘Despacito’, Amanda was still sitting in front of her laptop at the dining table, staring slack-jawed at the screen.
“Watcha watching?” Saffy said, coming around to Amanda side. “Why are you watching a half-naked Indian man on…Oh. My. God! What is he doing?” she screamed.
“Will you please stop screaming? It’s just Iyengar!”
“What is that? Oh my God! How is he doing that? Why is he half-naked?” Saffy moaned, clearly too traumatised to be able to process too much information at the same time. She immediately pulled up a chair next to Amanda and sat down.
“He’s practically folded his body backwards over his leg!” Saffy pointed out. “How is he doing that? Really, could someone please tell him to put a shirt on? This is so disturbing!”
“This is how the yogis practise yoga!” Amanda told her.
Saffy’s bosom puffed out to such a volume, it threatened to obstruct Amanda’s view of the laptop screen. “This is yoga? No way is this yoga! I mean….oh God….look! He’s just wrapped both legs over his head! Oh…I can’t watch this….I swear, if his thing pops out of his loin cloth, I am going to just die!”
Later that night, over a dinner at the newly renovated Chomp Chomp, it was all the girls could talk about.
“Is that not the most disturbing thing you’ve ever seen?” Saffy asked me.
“Actually, I thought it was quite life-changing,” I replied. “For the first time in my life, I finally got a sense of what yoga actually means!”
“Totally!” Amanda said, stabbing a piece of cucumber out of the rojak. “I loved what he said how his body was in a million pieces, but his mind was whole!”
“You guys are seriously strange,” Saffy huffed. “That was not normal, what I saw. No one should be able to twist and turn like that!”
“If you practise enough, it should!” Amanda said serenely. “And that’s the whole point, you have to let the body break complete. That’s how the mind heals itself!”
“I don’t see how that can be true,” Saffy said firmly. “I mean, how damaged must my mind be if it has to be healed by me literally looking at my ass from the other direction?”