I See Dead People

As anyone will tell you – and by anyone, I mean, of course, my mother – the world is full of unexplained phenomena.

            “Like Donald Trump,” she said the other day on FaceTime. “Isn’t it just amazing how he keeps emerging from one scandal after the other completely unscathed? How is that possible?”

            “I’ve given up reading the news,” I said. “It’s all bad news and invariably, I’m so stressed and demoralized, I can’t sleep!”

            “Funny you should mention that, because lately, I have had the worst insomnia and Master Lee thinks it might be caused by Third Aunt’s box.”

            I paused. On the screen, Mother could see I was hesitating. She sighed. “Third Aunt Sook Chen? My mother’s third sister? The one with the really really bad breath?”

            “Oh, her! What about her? And what box?”
            “Well, she died last month!”
            “Oh dear…”

            Mother shrugged, the very image of ‘whatever’. “She was ninety-nine! She always hated me because I married your daddy and she’d wanted her daughter, my cousin Chin Lee to marry him. But I got to him first! Anyway, they’re literally all dead now!”

“Who are?”

“Third Aunt’s children! Including Chin Lee. They’re all dead! They gave up waiting for her to die so that they could inherit!”

“Wait, cousin Chin Lee is dead?”

“Seven years ago! Don’t you remember?” Mother sighed. “It was so tragic. She was playing mah-jong for 24 hours straight one Chinese New Year. At 7am, one of the tiles fell to the floor, so she bent over to pick it up, and all the blood rushed to her head and she had a major aneurism. She was dead before anyone could say ‘pong’!”

I was astonished. “Oh my God! How did I not know that?”

“Because you never call!”

I ignored the blatant Trumpism. “So who inherited?”

            “Her five grand-children in London and San Francisco! Can you believe none of them went to her funeral?”

            “What’s this about her box?” I am nothing if not a pit-bull when it comes to details.

            “Oh, so she left me a little cedarwood box. It’s the prettiest thing. I think it’s quite valuable, but ever since I picked it up from the lawyers, I’ve not slept properly at all! Master Lee is pretty sure the box is causing it. He keeps telling me to get rid of it, but how can I just get rid of a family heirloom like that?”

            Of course, when I later repeated the story, the first thing Saffy asked was, “Who’s Master Lee? This story is so confusing!”

            “He’s our family feng shui master!”

            “You have a family feng shui master?” Saffy asked. “How do I not know this?”

            “Mother says he says the box might be carrying spirits or ghosts that have now set up home in the house!”

            Amanda shuddered delicately. “That is probably the scariest thing I’ve heard all year!”

            “You sure it’s not the position of her bed?” Saffy asked. “Didn’t your mother just redecorate her bedroom?”

            I stared at her in surprise. “How did you…”

            “She posted the pix on Facebook. We’re Facebook friends.”

            Leave it to Sharyn to put her own spin on the matter. “Aiyah, how come your mother so superstitious and believe in feng shui, one? I don’t believe in feng shui. But confirm she cannot sleep because of your mudder Third Aunt ghost!”

            Saffy blinked. “Wait, how do you believe in ghosts but not feng shui?”

            Sharyn charged on. “She angry with Jason mudder, mah, for stealing her son-in-law. So she come back, lor!”

            “Uhm, I don’t think so, Shazz,” I said. “She was ninety-seven and had dementia. The nurses said she died peacefully in her sleep.”

            “How they know?” Sharyn demanded.

            “How they do they know what?” I asked.

            “How the nurse know she die peacefully in her sleep? If she got dementia, she can’t say anything, right? And if she die in her sleep, maybe a ghost come and take her?”

            “A ghost?” Saffy asked. “There’s another ghost?”
            Sharyn waved her hand. “Haiz! You know, hah, the world got a lot of ghost one! Got one time during Ghost month, one ghost come at night and sit on my chest! Wah, jialat, boy! I so scared, I scream and scream, but got no sound come out.”

            “You sure it wasn’t your husband sitting on you, Shazz?” Amanda asked.

            “Choy! You think, what? ‘Fi-tee Shade of Gray’, issit? So old, still got husband sit on me, meh? Is ghost, lah!”

            Saffy says she can’t decide which image is more disturbing.