Sea Sore

So here we are on the Seabourn Encore on day eight of our ten-day cruise from Bali to Singapore. Amazingly, we’ve not killed each other. I’m always reading horror stories about lifelong friends who go away on holiday together and by the time they check in at the airport for the flight home, they’re on spitting terms.

            Saffy says this is probably because the Encore has so many distractions. “I mean, look at this place,” she said the other day in the Observation Bar as we watched the bartender shake up a Martini. “It’s empty!”

            I pointed out that this may have had something to do with the fact that it was just past 10am.

            “And yet here we are about to have some lovely Martinis!” Saffy said cheerfully, her impressive bosom straining under a thin tee-shirt that said ‘Look closer’.

            We took our drinks to a low-slung sofa by the window where we could watch the mirror-flat sea glide by. “See, this is really the life!” Saffy said, licking her lips appreciatively on the rim of her glass. “Wake up late, have breakfast, have a Martini, spend an hour in the sun, and then wonder what’s for lunch! I mean, what’s not to love?”

            “I especially love the lighting in my bathroom,” I told her.

            “Oh my God,” Saffy sighed.

            The en-suite bathrooms on this ship are about twice as big as the one we have at home. And there are three light settings: super dim for middle of the night pees, semi-bright for when you’ve just woken up, and super bright for when you’re getting dressed and need to critically examine yourself for facial flaws or sartorial missteps.

            Amanda says she can’t understand how we can be so obsessed with bathroom lighting when we should be devoting our energies to helping her meet eligible men on board.

            “Maybe they’re all put off by the way you’ve been tanning yourself on the pool deck,” Saffy suggested over a Greek-themed lunch on the outdoor terrace of the Colonnade.

            Amanda ignored the jibe. “I think it’s because everyone on board is a couple! They should tell you that on the website! So singletons like me don’t get our hopes up when we pack for the trip,” she said, resentfully jabbing at her French fries. But like a sun rising up over a storm cloud, she brightened. “And they should also tell you that this ship serves the best fries I have ever had in my entire life!”
            “Ever!” Saffy repeated through a mouth stuffed with said fries.

            See, that’s the thing I’ve discovered about cruises. Doesn’t matter what trouble you have, there’s always something to cheer you up.

            Like the last port we were at: Surabaya. It’s a place that’s never figured on any of our bucket-lists. Saffy said she had absolutely no interest in finding out more, whilst Amanda reasoned that it seemed such a waste to have come all this way and not tick it off, even if it’s to airily say at dinner parties, “Surabaya? Oh, you’ve never been? But you’re so well travelled. Well, it’s…interesting…”

            As it turned out, Saffy had a blast, not so much because of the city itself which is what we all imagined Singapore might have looked like 40 years ago, but because our coach was preceded by an official police escort the entire way. We went through red lights as traffic in all directions gave way to us.

            “Seriously, this must be what it feels like to be the President of the United States!” Saffy said, glowing with importance as we cut through the traffic like a hot knife through butter. “Imagine if we travelled like this on the CTE every day! I’d be in the office in, like, ten minutes!”

            Later, back on the ship, as Amanda glided off to the spa for a pedicure and an acupuncture session, Saffy decided she wanted to learn how to play mahjong. Which left me conveniently back in the Observation Bar, just in time for afternoon tea.

            “These are seriously good scones!” I told a complete stranger sitting at the next couch. In my enthusiasm, I may have sprayed some crumbs on him, but I figured it was my civic duty to spread the word about the caliber of the Encore’s baking team.

            Amanda says we need to reconsider our lifestyle options. “I could live on this ship. I really could!”

            When she heard about this, Sharyn texted to say that only single people with no children talk like this.